Skip to main content

“can I ask my company to pay for a cat sitter when I travel, my coworker calls me “honey bunny,” and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager

“can I ask my company to pay for a cat sitter when I travel, my coworker calls me “honey bunny,” and more” plus 3 more Ask a Manager


can I ask my company to pay for a cat sitter when I travel, my coworker calls me “honey bunny,” and more

Posted: 24 May 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Can I ask my company to pay for a cat sitter when I travel?

I have a job which requires me to travel for work a few times a year. When I started it was more like once a year, and now it’s, say, two to four times. In my particular part of our industry, traveling is not often an essential part of the role and this wasn’t ever something that was specified one way or the other as part of the role. Having said that, it makes sense for me to go on these trips, it’s useful for my job as it’s evolved, and I am very happy to do them. The company is pretty small and open and, although obviously concerned with finances, is not overly obstructive or stingy with employee travel or expenses.

All so far so good, but my question is this: I have two cats and live alone, so when I go away there is nobody to feed them. Because of where I live, getting a friend or neighbor to come in isn’t an option, so I pay a cat sitter service to drop in once a day to check up on them. The amount isn’t exorbitant per day, but if you’re on a trip for five days it soon racks up and eats into my monthly budget.

Obviously it is completely my lifestyle choice to have and support the cats, and if I had shared care for them it wouldn’t even be an issue. But then again, business travel is meant to be cost-neutral for the employee and this is making a hole in my personal finances every time I have to travel. I just wondered what your take on this was and if it’s reasonable to ask my company to cover these as a business expense? Is it a ridiculous ask? I don’t want to stretch their goodwill!

Sadly, you can't really ask for that, just like you wouldn't be able to ask your company to cover child care expenses while you traveled. It's just one of those things that sucks about business travel.

The exception to this is if you were doing your company a big favor by going on one of these trips — let's say it was last-minute and unexpected and highly inconvenient and you had the option of saying no but they were really hoping to convince you to do it. In that type of situation, you could sometimes say something like, "Going at the last-minute means I'll need to pay $X for someone to come in and feed my cats. Is that something the company would be willing to cover?" But that only works if it's a rare and unexpected thing. You can't really do that when it's more routine travel.

2. My coworker calls me "honey bunny”

I have a colleague who I’ve worked with now for about two and a half years, in two separate workplaces, and while we work for different divisions, we end up working together on a regular basis. When we first started working together, she was only a little above me on the classification scale, but in our current work, she’s a manager level, and I’m just a base admin. There’s a few things about her I’m not the most keen on, but I think most of it has to do with a habit of hers — she’s a big fan of cutesy nicknames for other women. And while for pretty much everyone else, she sticks to things like "sugar” and "sweetie,” with me, she’s moved on to things like "pumpkin” and "honey bunny.” Yes, in nearly every interaction with this woman, I’m called "honey bunny.” I’m sure I should have asked her to call me by my actual name a while ago, and now, it feels like I can’t, because it’s been so long, and because she’s a manager.

Do I just suck it up and deal? Should I say something? What do I say?

You can say something, even though it's been a while and even though she's a manager. It might be a little awkward for a minute or two, but it will almost certainly solve it, so it's worth it. You could say it this way: "You're so sweet, but I have a thing about nicknames — I actually dislike being called anything other than my name. Would you stick with Jane?" (You can drop the "you're so sweet" if that's not your style, but that kind of language can soften the delivery in a way that can help her save face and make the interaction feel nicer overall. Or you can change it to "you're so funny" or whatever else works for you.)

If she seems offended, try to find a reason to interact with her soon afterwards so that you can be warm and normal, which can sometimes help "reset" the vibe if a tricky conversation left things feeling a little off. (This is something I talk about more in my new book!)

3. Am I out of line for eating in the pumping room?

I returned to work from maternity leave last week. I’m salaried exempt, so I am not entitled to any pumping accommodations by law, but my workplace does have a “quiet room” available for nursing mothers to pump in, as well as other private personal uses (for example, a private space to do physical therapy exercises, or to pray, or to lie down for a short while if one is feeling poorly in the middle of the day rather than going home and taking sick time).

I take three pumping breaks per day, and have been eating my lunch during my middle pumping session, since I can’t really work effectively — it’s just impossible to use a laptop with my short arms and the pumping stuff attached to my front. My manager would be fine with me taking a separate lunch break (see also, exempt, and very autonomous about daily schedule), but I choose to combine a pumping break with lunch so that I can finish my work earlier and get home to my baby earlier than I otherwise would. I’m very careful not to leave the room a mess: I take all my food trash out to the kitchen when I’m done and don’t leave even a granola bar wrapper in the wastebin in the room. I don’t bring in anything that might smell (nothing hot at all, nothing with a strong odor like tuna salad, I stick to cold deli meat sandwiches, carrot sticks with hummous, that sort of thing).

I’ve gotten some hostile looks from both people I know also use the room, and people who don’t, when I go into the pumping room with my lunch bag. One person even commented that it “must be nice to have your own private lunch room.” Am I doing anything wrong here? If not, how should I handle it when people make comments about my use of the quiet room?

No, you're not doing anything wrong! What is with people resenting the accommodations that allow other people to do their jobs?

You could try replying with, "You understand this room is for pumping, right? And that women can eat while they do that?" Or you could respond to the "must be nice" comments with, "I don't know that I'd call lactating while hooked up to a machine the greatest lunch experience I've ever had."

4. My interviewer is dating someone I declined a position with and asked me about it

I recently had a second phone interview for a position I’m very excited about, this one with the hiring manager. My first interview went very well, but I wasn’t prepared for something that happened in this one.

The hiring manager mentioned to me that “Jane Smith” is her romantic partner, and that when she mentioned to Jane that I was being interviewed, Jane told her that I declined a government position with her earlier this year after accepting. Here’s the issue. I was offered a position with Jane after I accepted a job with an entirely separate agency three months prior. After a lot of email back and forth and weeks without any updates, I was offered a completely different job in Jane’s agency. I wound up declining because I decided that I could not in good faith accept a job I in which I had no interest nor expertise that also was not the job I was offered and accepted.

I was surprised by this, but did not say that. I responded very calmly and I told her, “I would love to provide some additional context for that decision,” and explained the situation in very top line terms without speaking ill of anyone. I then said that I felt bad that Jane and her agency had been caught in the crossfire of the back and forth, and that it was important to me that I’m enthusiastic and fully committed to any position I take, and that given the circumstances, I was not confident in my ability to do that with Jane’s agency and did not want to do a disservice to their work. I then pivoted to talking about why the position I was interviewing for is my top choice, why it’s in line with exactly what I’m looking to do long term, and why I’m so interested and enthusiastic about the company and the position.

The hiring manager was not accusatory or adversarial, and she did say that I came highly recommended and that Jane had said that she had heard great things about me. Otherwise I felt the interview went very well, and I sent a follow-up email as I usually would speaking to why I’m excited about the position and some addition information about my expertise. But I’m worried about how this will impact my chances. I understand why she wants to ensure that I can commit to the job, so my question is, did I handle this appropriately?

Yep, it sounds like you handled it perfectly. She may have had the impression that you accepted a job and then later rescinded your acceptance — and that's not at all what happened! You accepted a job and then the employer rescinded it and offered you something totally different. So it's really good that you had an opportunity to clear that up, and your explanation sounds like it should have done that.

I can imagine some people reading your letter and bristling at the hiring manager asking about something that she only heard about because of who she's in a relationship with. But she did hear about it, and so it's to your advantage that you were able to explain the situation and give her context that might make her see it differently than she otherwise would.

can I ask my company to pay for a cat sitter when I travel, my coworker calls me “honey bunny,” and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

update: my mother is a destructive force in my professional life

Posted: 24 May 2018 10:59 AM PDT

Remember the letter-writer a few years ago whose mother was contacting companies on social media to tell them to hire her daughter, despite our letter-writer asking her to stop? The first update is here, about how the mom was financially controlling the letter-writer on top of everything else, and here’s a new update.

I was thinking about the post a few days ago and it occured to me that I didn’t write in with an update, so I figured now’s the time!

I’m now 24, and in a different job to the one I was at when I last wrote in.

I unfortunately only lasted a couple of months at the social media job I mentioned in the previous update. I made a huge mistake one day at work and I was publicly fired in January 2017. That really knocked my confidence, so much so that I actually attempted to take my own life shortly afterwards, as I couldn’t cope with disappointing my family and myself again.

A few months later, I found a new job, and was there until January this year. I now work in finance (I started 2 weeks ago) and I’m very happy. The salary is much better than my previous jobs, I like the work and my coworkers, and it’s 9-5 Monday – Friday, which is much better for me. The job is also in a city 30 minutes away from where I live, so I can escape my own neighbourhood for a while, and I no longer feel ‘claustrophobic’. My life has completely turned around in the space of a year.

The main topic in my previous post was about how my mother controlled my finances. Well, I’m happy to say that thanks to the support of your readers, I finally bit the bullet and opened a new bank account. It took me a long time, but I read all the positive comments, and they helped me find the confidence to stand up to my mother and tell her that enough was enough. I went to my bank and explained the situation – They helped me set up the new account and lock down the old one so my mother has no access to it whatsoever. She also has no access to my new savings account, which I’m using to fund moving out. I’m almost at my goal, and if I keep going, I’ll be out by June. I still deal with my mother and her negative comments, but thanks to the supportive comments, they don’t affect me as much as they used to.

I found the courage to not let her walk all over me plus control me and she’s backed down – I now finally have a sense of freedom that I always wanted. Since standing up to her and gaining my independence, I’ve ticked items off my bucket list, such as travelling on my own (I went from Scotland – London, which is a pretty big distance, considering that I’d never been outside of Scotland by myself), and actually making preparations to move out into my own place.

I still am dealing with severe depression, which is painful and difficult, but whenever I feel really low, I read the comments on my posts, and the wonderful words left by so many people help lift me back up.

I honestly wouldn’t have been able to do this without your readers. I want to apologise for not replying to a lot of the comments, but I can promise you that I read every single one, and took them to heart. Some touched me so much that they made me cry – People saying they were rooting for me and wanting me to succeed is something I’d never felt before, so it was incredibly special. Even people defending me and supporting me when my post attractive some negative and harsh comments. I’m not used to support, so I cannot explain how much it meant to me.

I hope that they know what a huge impact they’ve had on my life, and just how much they’ve helped me achieve. Random people on the internet that I’ve never met actually changed my life, and I will forever be grateful for every single one of them. Please let them know how much I appreciate all of them. Thank you to every single one of them from the bottom of my heart! If any of them comment on this post, I promise I WILL reply this time!

Thank you so much Alison!

update: my mother is a destructive force in my professional life was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

updates: the website delusions of grandeur, the pushy gym trainer, and more

Posted: 24 May 2018 09:30 AM PDT

Here are four updates from people who had their letters answered here in the past.

1. My boss has delusions of grandeur about our website — do I have to burst his bubble?

I sat down with my boss today and taking into consideration many of your reader’s comments I suggested moving primarily to Twitter while writing original content about his life experiences for the website. He loved the idea and we’re pivoting in this new direction right away. It turns out he had written down thoughts about his life and career already so we have a lot of original content ready to go. I’m working with him on a workflow for the articles he likes to post where he will write a sentence or two of commentary/analysis and I then post them to Twitter. Thank you for your advice and to all your readers for their comments.

2. My company is making us do mandatory sessions with a pushy, rude gym trainer

I’m the letter-writer from February of last year whose director had mandatory group “wellness trainings” (I was inconsistent in my wording in the letter, but these were the words he used).

I didn’t end up saying anything to my director about my reservations as regards the wellness activities at the beginning of last year, because I was too uncertain how it would be received– the director seemed pleased with how things were going, which made me question his judgment enough that I didn’t want to chance it. This ended up being a good call. Over a year later, I can barely remember what happened in those training sessions– I do remember that at one point, after being subjected to some scientifically-dubious touching technique, I was thanked for being “a good sport” because my boss could tell I was not enthusiastic– but I can recount many, many further examples of bad judgment and boundary crossing on the part of the director. I absolutely would have been penalized for speaking up, and nothing would have changed overall. Director definitely knew employees were not receiving the trainer well; he just didn’t care.

After a long string of bewildering events and emotional abuse, capped off with an incident in which the director made a “joke” about slitting one of my coworker’s throats (the worst thing about this is how normal it seemed after working here a year), I started looking for new work, and am happy to report I found a better job immediately. Today was my last day, and in two weeks I start my new job.

Director took my resignation better than I anticipated (office lore has it he’s been known to swing wildly between the silent treatment and screaming matches with those who quit), but word got back to me that he told several of my coworkers he will not miss me, and when he was told there was a cookie party in the breakroom for me during my last week, he told the messenger he didn’t want to come. Never seeing him again is the #1 and only reason I am leaving this job, and I’m thrilled to do it.

Many thanks to the commenters, who provided an early dose of “you are not crazy and this is not normal” in a place where it was easy to acclimate to bad management, and to you, for running a blog that helped me nurture a private understanding of what a functional workplace would be like, and contrast it with this one. Here’s hoping my relationship with my next boss is profoundly boring, based on a mutual respect and desire to do good work.

3. I'm doing business travel with a coworker who doesn't want to expense anything (#2 at the link)

I did speak to Luke while submitting the cost estimates with the phrasing you suggested, adding that Rey seemed very concerned with keeping the costs low. Thankfully, Luke had been in the same city we were travelling to just a few months before and thought my cost estimates were very reasonable. I also believe he spoke privately to Rey as she made no further comments during the weeks leading up to the trip.

During the trip, she sheepishly went along with my recommendations and was on the same flights/booked the same hotel (separate rooms). The only odd thing was that she brought a larger checked bag than I thought would be needed for a week-long trip, but I shrugged it off as a preference, since I might be in the minority and preferred just traveling with a carryon whenever possible. I was later very surprised to find out that her bag was so large because she packed canned food and instant noodles to eat for lunch/dinner! The only time she went with me to a restaurant was during a networking event. During the first two days we shared a cab to and from the conference area but afterwards we went separately as she wanted to use public transportation. She would also take bread rolls/yogurt cups from the hotel breakfast buffet with her to eat later in the day, which made me a little uncomfortable, so I would usually have breakfast later and take a cab.

I met with a lot of my coworkers from other countries during the conference, and I feel we work a lot better now since we've developed more personal relationships. Aside from the 'formal' networking event, we also occasionally went out for lunch and dinner as a group, especially since a few of us shared the same hotel. Rey opted not to go to these— I think a few of our colleagues thought this was a little odd and stand-offish, but we did also have people in the group who needed to catch up on work after the conference hours or needed to go home early to call their families.

Throughout all of this, I'm happy to say that Rey didn't try to pressure me into taking the same money-saving steps, but I was very relieved when the trip ended! I later found out that she didn't submit an expense report for meals and transportation and returned nearly all of her travel allowance. (All of my expenses were approved with no issues.) Rey eventually moved out of our team and into a new role earlier this month.

4. Recruiter was annoyed when I applied to a job directly (#4 at the link)

I ended up getting the job! The recruiter was involved through the rest of the process and was super helpful. At the end of my next interview, I said, “Oh, by the way, I applied through the website but I actually was first contacted about the job by [recruiter name]. I wouldn’t have heard about the job if not for her, so just wanted to let you know.” He just said “Yup, we’re aware,” or something like that. Everything else went smoothly, so it seemed like we caught it early enough to not impact my candidacy or the recruiter’s fee. So everything worked out, and now I know how to properly work with recruiters going forward!

updates: the website delusions of grandeur, the pushy gym trainer, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

do I need to have a better sense of humor at work?

Posted: 24 May 2018 07:59 AM PDT

A reader writes:

Your blog has been invaluable to me in my career, especially in the last year since I became a manager. I’ve caught up to the learning curve of my actual job, but there’s one area I feel could use some improvement and I don’t know how to address it on my own.

As I move further up the career ladder, I see how other leaders interact with each other at my institution. They can joke around with each other, tease each other, and just generally interact with each other in that kind of male back-slapping way (including the women). I’ve never been good at casually joking with people, but it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I feel impatient when other people are joking around in meeting settings and uncertain how to respond when someone tries to jokingly/teasingly engage with me. I could be incorrect that being perceived to have a sense of humor is important to my success, but it feels important, although I wish it didn’t, and I don’t know how to begin to address it. Do you have any ideas?

I wrote back and asked: What’s your sense of humor like outside of work? Do you think you’re comfortable with that kind of thing in other, non-work contexts?

Outside of work my humor tends to the dry/absurd/abstract with a sprinkle of silly. I would say that only by two best girlfriends and my partner really get the full scope of my sense of humor, but I feel comfortable showing some of it in social settings with acquaintances or friends of friends.

I generally hate teasing and often am not very successful at riffing or coming up with responses to jokes from people I don’t know very well, so while it’s not limited to work, I mostly only wish I could participate in that type of banter when I’m at work. I feel it would help me succeed, but I mostly want to improve because I feel like my social facility is dwindling and I would like to be someone who can be at ease in any professional situation. Sometimes I can feel the impatient look on my face as I wait for people to stop joking around so we can get on with things and I am sure if I can feel it, other people can see it!

I don't know that you have to actively join in on the joking around at work if it's not your thing. If you force it and it feels unnatural to you, there's a pretty good chance that it'll come across as … well, forced and unnatural.

But there are other things you can do to change the dynamic! The most important one is to change your impatience when other people are joking around. I very much know that feeling of "let's just get to the topic that we're here to discuss," but I think you’d be better served by trying to reframe it in your head and seeing what they're doing as a form of relationship-building that can make work go more smoothly (for some people). If that kind of joking around and bonding isn't your thing, it's easy to see it as a waste of time … but for a lot of people, tending to relationships is a sort of prerequisite to the work getting done. If you're a more task-focused person, you might scoff at that, but there are lots of very effective people who operate that way. (In fact, you should read this great explanation from a commenter about how relationship-focused people see all this. And then if you want more, here's a more in-depth interview with her.)

Ideally, if you can reframe this in your head and see that there's actual value in what they're doing — at least to them, if not to you — your impatience will hopefully stop showing on your face, because you should feel less of it. And that's pretty important. It's probably not a big deal that you're not participating in the joking around, but it could be a big deal if you regularly look like you're annoyed by it. That risks signaling "I don't get it here" and/or "I don't like it here” and/or “I don’t like you.”

That's step one. Step two, if you're up for it: Look amused when others are joking around. Smile. Look like you're enjoying what you're witnessing. That's an easier way to signal comfort with the group dynamic than forcing yourself to joke around when it doesn’t feel natural. If you look amused and pleased to be there, that's going to go a long way. In fact, that might be all you need to do! It's more important that people feel like you're not judging them than that you actively participate.

And you can use that same approach if someone tries to joke around with you: Smile. Laugh. You could even just say "ha!" as long as it's a warm and cheerful "ha!" and not a sarcastic or annoyed one. You want your response, whatever it is, to signal "joke received and appreciated!" even if you're not responding with a joke of your own.

Doing all of this might even move you to a mindset where you do eventually find yourself joking back. But if not, just by switching from "this is an annoying waste of time" to "this group has a warm and funny vibe with each other and that's a nice thing," you'll probably feel more relaxed and happy in these meetings overall, and that's going to be good for your relationships with these colleagues. And I strongly bet that will matter more to your success there than whether or not you're delivering your own comedy routine.

do I need to have a better sense of humor at work? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

loading...

Lexo edhe:

Postimet e fundit






Popular posts from this blog

Trajta e shquar dhe e pashquar e emrit

  Trajta e shquar dhe e pashquar e emrit Trajta themelore e emrit është rasa emërore e pashquar.  Nga trajta themelore ose parësore i fitojmë format e tjera gramatikore të emrit (trajtat). Emrat , si në njëjës ashtu edhe në shumës, përdoren në dy trajta: a) në trajtë të pashquar dhe b) në trajtë të shquar shquar. Emri në trajtën e pashquar tregon qenie, sende ose dukuri në përgjithësi, në mënyrë të papërcaktuar. P.sh.: një nxënës, një punëtor, një mendim , një mace, një laps etj. Emri në trajtën e shquar tregon qenie, sende ose dukuri të tjera, të veçuara nga gjërat e tjera të llojit të vet. P.sh.: nxënësi, punëtori, mendimi, macja, lapsi etj.   Formë përfaqësuese (bazë) e emrit është trajta e pashquar, numri njëjës, rasa emërore : djalë, vajzë, shkollë, lule, letër, njeri, kompjuter, lepur, qen, piano etj. Trajta e shquar e emrit formohet duke i pasvendosur formës përfaqësuese nyjën shquese, përkatësisht mbaresën: a) për emrat e gjin

Ese të ndryshme shqip

Ese dhe Hartime '' Ese dhe hartime të ndryshme shqip dhe anglisht '' Ndalohet rreptësisht kopjimi dhe postimi në një faqe tjetër.  Redaksia Rapitful ka lexuar disa ankesa në emailin e saj të bëra nga disa arsimtarë dhe profesorë ku janë ankuar se nxënësit po i kopjojnë esetë dhe hartimet nga faqja Rapitful dhe me ato ese apo shkrime po prezantohen gjatë shkrimit të eseve dhe hartimeve. Pra redaksia Rapitful kërkon nga nxënësit që të mos kopjojnë esetë dhe hartimet dhe me to të prezantohen para mësimdhënësve por le të jenë këto ese vetëm si një udhërrëfyes se si duhet të shkruhet një ese apo hartim dhe asesi të kopjohen. Ju faleminderit për mirëkuptim. Ese dhe hartime do te shtohen vazhdimisht keshtuqe na vizitoni prap. Nëse dëshironi Analiza letrare të veprave të ndryshme kliko mbi Analiza Letrare Kliko mbi titullin që ju intereson Ese për Diturinë   Për Mjekët! Fakultetet e sotme po kryhen me teste 6 arsye për të mos studiuar mjekësinë P

Tekste shqip: ““Ah Kjo Rruga E Gurbetit” - Shaqir Cërvadiku & Fatjon Dervishi” plus 21 more

Tekste shqip: ““Ah Kjo Rruga E Gurbetit” - Shaqir Cërvadiku & Fatjon Dervishi” plus 21 more “Ah Kjo Rruga E Gurbetit” - Shaqir Cërvadiku & Fatjon Dervishi “Du Me T'pa” - Gjyle Qollaku Nora Istrefi “Kercejna” - Sabiani Feat. Denis Taraj Getoar Selimi “Du Me T'pa” - Lori Bora Zemani “Million” - Melissa
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Labels

Show more