questioning an employee about how sick they really are, a sugar-stealing coworker, and more Ask a Manager

questioning an employee about how sick they really are, a sugar-stealing coworker, and more

Posted: 27 May 2018 09:03 PM PDT

It's four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Questioning an employee about how sick they really are

My coworker, Sansa, is a rockstar employee. Tenured, dependable, top performer — the kind of employee you wish you could clone! She has no attendance issues, no performance issues, no history of abusing flex-time. Her work is project-based with no in-person client contact and all of her meetings are virtual. Sansa discovered that she’s pregnant but didn’t want to tell anyone yet. But when she needed to leave mid-day for a doctor’s visit (emerging issue with the pregnancy), her boss, Cersei, continued to push back until she finally told her the reason she needed to leave.

Fast forward a week. Our company has a very generous work-from-home policy. As long as the work gets done, we can work from home as needed. Sansa was feeling ill but came in anyway, because she knows that while Cersei takes advantage of the work-from-home flexibility, she isn’t a fan of her staff doing the same. Sansa tells Cersei that she’s not feeling well and wants to work from home the rest of the day. The questions begin — are you throwing up? How often are you throwing up? Are you really throwing up, or just dry heaves? Cersei finally says that if Sansa is “really” throwing up and it’s happened more than once, Sansa can work from home after lunch (which is still two to three hours away).

Am I wrong to think that Cersei is WAY overstepping here? As a manager, I can’t imagine asking any of these questions. I’ve got no standing to intervene — I’m just thinking about how I’d want to handle it if something like this came up on my team. (In terms of hierarchy, I'm senior to Sansa but junior to Cersei.)

Yes, she's way overstepping. She's either willing to approve the work-from-home time or she's not, but the details of Sansa's medical symptoms are none of her business.

There are some cases where a manager's stance might be, essentially, "It would be really tough to have you working from home right now, so I only want to approve it if it's really, truly necessary." But the way to say that isn't to play doctor and inquire about the details of symptoms. The way to do that is to treat employees like adults and say, "It would be tough to have you work from home today because of X, but if you're feeling sick enough that you really need to get out of here, we can make it work." And if you find that someone is abusing your good will, then you address that — but you assume people are trustworthy and responsible until they give you reason not to.

2. Sugar-stealing coworker

I work in a small department (seven people) which is connected by a hallway to our big sister department (20+ people). Our small team has a microwave and coffee/snack station which we have provided for ourselves. Our team will occasionally bring in treats to share with the rest of the department, including a small stash of sugar, plastic utensils, etc. My desk is in the hallway right next to the microwave and snack station.

So here’s the thing: one woman in particular, from the big sister department, has been coming over to our station and taking sugar from our stash. As the friendly face at my desk in the hallway, I have smiled at her and not begrudged the sugar, but lately she’s come by and taken chocolate that another colleague had brought to share within our department. It kind of irks me because there’s an unspoken company culture rule that snacks/supplies are shared within the department, but if you're from another department you should ask first. And this woman never asks, just assumes she can have some.

How do I set the record straight now, and how do I do it without messing up the interdepartmental goodwill? Should I just get over it?

One option is this, if you'd be open to this as a solution: "Hey, Jane, our team actually buys those items for ourselves. If you want to use them, we'd want to put you on the rotation to pay for them or restock them."

But otherwise: "Hey, Jane, our team actually buys those items for ourselves and they're really only meant for the small group of us since they're self-funded."

3. Asking to work from home during a new foster/adoption placement

My husband and I are in the process of becoming licensed as a foster/adoption parents for a child who will be from newborn to five years old. I work in a small office of five and I am the second in command. The person who I replaced worked from a remote office.

I need your advice on how to approach my boss about working from home the first two to three weeks after a child is placed in our home, to encourage a smooth transition and bonding (only if they are under four, as they will be in preschool or kindergarten over four years old). Do you think it is fair to ask about this? I am prepared to use one day a week to come into the office, if needed, as my husband is home one day a week (not working). I am willing to work from the office, but I would like to have the child with me and I am not sure how feasible it would be to have the child at work — which is probably fine, if I asked, but I don’t want to push that, but rather would be at home in a more comfortable environment for the child to bond with them.

Ask to take the time off, not to work from home during it. Most employers expect that if you're working from home with a child that young, you'll have separate child care (sometimes with the exception of a day or two for an emergency with a sick kid). The idea is that you can't work at anything approaching your normal productivity when you're caring for a young kid.

But it's totally reasonable to ask for time off for this, and that's the way to go. And if you’re eligible for FMLA, that law protects your job for up to three months of time off to care for and bond with a newly placed child (for both fostering and adoption) within a year of when the child comes to you.

4. Can I ask my manager what kind of reference she'll give me?

I currently work in education, and my manager is aware I’ll be leaving at the end of the school year. Since she knows I’m leaving and job searching, can I ask her what her reference would be like?

The reason why I’d want to ask is to determine if I’d want her to be a reference at all. Several months ago, she raised some performance issues, which if not addressed, would have led to me getting fired. The issues were corrected and I’m leaving voluntarily, but I still have concerns about her as reference.

Yes, in general you can ask a potential reference what kind of reference they'd give you. But it also makes sense to assume that what you know of your manager's assessment of you and your work will be reflected in the reference she gives … which in this case means you might not want to use her as reference if you can avoid it. If you had performance issues that could have led to firing just a few months ago, that's serious enough and recent enough that it would have to affect the type of reference she gives you. How much of an impact that has will depend on what the issues were and how relevant they'd be to the new job — and it's possible that "she struggled with X and Y earlier this year but was able to correct it" won't be prohibitive — but she wouldn't be my first choice for a reference if you have other options.

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